By Dr. Abiola Salami, Author, No More Shrinking™ – A Performance Tool for Unleashing Untapped Creativity and Market Growth for Women Who Are Done Playing Small
Introduction
Let’s name it. Many women feel weird about the word power. It can feel heavy, aggressive, even manipulative. But what if I told you that the problem is not power but the stories we’ve attached to it?
Power is not about domination. It is about direction. It is about influence. It is about integrity in motion. So today, we’re going to clean up that word, reclaim it, and step into it without guilt, apology, or fear. Let’s begin.
Why Women Fear Power
Let’s start here. Why does power feel so loaded for so many women? Because most of women were introduced to power through examples of abuse or exclusion. You saw power used to silence, to punish, to control and you thought:
- “If that’s power, I don’t want it.”
- “If power changes people, I’d rather stay soft.”
- “If power makes people hate you, maybe I’m better off invisible.”
But hear this; Power doesn’t corrupt. It reveals. And when it’s held with integrity, it heals, uplifts, and multiplies. Real power doesn’t exploit; it expands.
So let’s redefine it.
Reframing Power as Influence and Alignment
Let’s explore a new definition. Power is the ability to cause intentional change in alignment with your values. It is not about controlling others. It is about creating environments where your vision becomes real.
Power can look like:
- A businesswoman building an ethical, inclusive team.
- A mother raising socially conscious children.
- A politician reforming unjust systems.
- A mid-level manager mentoring the next generation.
Power is not domination. It’s design. When you shrink from power, you leave design to people who may not share your values. And that is very dangerous.
How Kemi Mistook Humility for Hiding
Kemi was a Senior Director in a multinational company. She is known for her grace, intelligence, and diplomacy. But every time a bigger leadership opportunity opened up, she would defer. You will hear her say: “I’m not sure I’m the right fit. Let someone else go first.”
When I started coaching Kemi, she admitted: “Dr. Abiola Salami, I was raised to be humble. I thought taking power made me selfish.”
So, we reframed it together and I asked her: “What if humility isn’t stepping back, but lifting others as you rise?”
So she went for the next role. She got it and became the first woman on the global executive board in her company’s 50-year history.
That wasn’t ego. That was alignment.
The Cost of False Humility
Let’s talk about this one. False humility is when you pretend to be less capable, less visionary, or less ready than you are, just to make others comfortable.
It sounds like: “I just stumbled into this.” OR “It’s really not a big deal.” OR “I’m still figuring it out like everyone else.”
Let’s be clear, you didn’t stumble. You studied, showed up, built, and bled for your results.
False humility robs others of an example. It tells the women coming behind you that power is off-limits or worse, that power is dirty.
But true humility? It says: “I know what I carry, and I carry it in service.” “I don’t need to shrink to be relatable.” “I rise so others can rise too.”
Power Mapping: Where Are You Already Powerful?
Let’s take inventory. You don’t become powerful. You already are powerful. You just need to name it. Take a journal. Create three columns:
- Personal Power (your voice, choices, values)
- Relational Power (who listens to you, who you influence)
- Positional Power (roles, platforms, access)
Now ask:
- Where do I already have authority?
- Who listens when I speak?
- Where do I make decisions?
- Who do I have the ability to uplift or mentor?
Power isn’t only at the top. It’s in every room where your presence shifts the energy.
The Councilwoman Who Redefined Power
Funmi was a local councilwoman in Ondo. She didn’t have a massive budget. She wasn’t in national politics. But she showed up at every town hall, led sanitation drives herself, created WhatsApp groups for civic engagement, and held public officials accountable.
When people asked, “Why work so hard for such a small office?” She’d say: “Because this is my jurisdiction. And I want it to reflect justice.”
Funmi redefined power as proximity by being close enough to feel what her people needed. Power, is not in the title. It’s in the intentional use of influence.
What Power Have You Been Avoiding?
Ask yourself:
- Where have I resisted leadership because of fear?
- What platform have I declined because I didn’t want attention?
- What responsibility have I passed on because I feared being seen as “bossy”?
- What dream have I delayed because I feared being powerful?
Write them down. And next to each, write this:
“I am not afraid of my power. I am learning to honor it.”
Because that’s the shift. Not perfection. Permission.
Let’s clear this up. Control is fear in disguise. Power is trust in action. Control micromanages, manipulates, withholds. Power delegates, inspires, activates.
You were not born to control. You were born to lead. And the difference is love.
Love doesn’t fear others’ rise. It multiplies greatness.
Power Practices for This Week
Let’s ground all this with action.
- Write a Power Definition That Fits You. Example: “Power is the integrity-filled ability to move vision forward with others in mind.”
- Identify One Area to Lean Into Power – Speak up in a meeting. Mentor someone intentionally. Set a boundary. Or propose a policy or lead a project.
- Declare It: Stand in front of a mirror and say: “I carry power, and I choose to use it with wisdom and courage.”
Repeat it daily.
An Invitation to Reconnect — The Women in Leadership Dinner
If this conversation has awakened a quiet reminder that you are capable of more, ready for more, meant for more, then I personally invite you to the Women in Leadership Dinner during The Peak Performer Festival (TPP Fest 2025).
This private dinner is not a conference. It is a refined, closed-circle experience for women who have led with excellence and impact, yet now seek to lead with greater creativity, balance, and authenticity.
This year, we gather under the powerful theme: No More ShrinkingTM: How Women Can Unleash Untapped Creativity & Market Growth with 21st Century Intelligence.
Headlining this year’s Dinner are three Power Women who embody brilliance, courage, and transformation. Each woman brings a distinct dimension of feminine excellence to the conversation:
- Prof. (Amb.) Olubukola Abdulrazaq — First Lady of Kwara State, Nigeria; Director, Economic, Consular and Legal Department at Nigeria’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Chairperson of the Nigeria Governors’ Wives Forum. She is a global diplomat and academic, embodying intellectual depth, diplomacy, and international women’s leadership.
- Hadiza Bala Usman — Special Adviser on Policy & Coordination to President Bola Tinubu, also heading the Central Delivery Coordination Unit (CDCU) representing systemic reform, governance excellence, and women in public leadership.
- Ms. Olatowun Candide-Johnson — Corporate leader and Founder of GAIA Africa, representing executive presence and authentic leadership.
Together, we will:
- Confront the silent pressures that cause women leaders to shrink from self-doubt to systemic barriers.
- Reveal bold strategies for sustaining confidence, presence, and resilience at the top.
- Show how unapologetic authenticity strengthens leadership, credibility, and legacy.
- Inspire a movement of African women who refuse to shrink, choosing instead to rise, lead, and transform.
- Share insights on leveraging 21st Century Intelligence (i.e. emotional, cultural, digital, and AI) to unlock creativity and drive market growth.
This will be a night of elegance, insight, elevation as well as a safe and sacred space for women who lead nations, industries, and narratives to be refilled and re-inspired.
The evening will also feature the official presentation of the groundbreaking book,
No More Shrinking™ – A Performance Tool for Unleashing Creativity and Market Growth in Women Who Are Done Playing Small.
If you are ready to rise without shrinking, request your exclusive invitation by emailing team@tppafrica.com with the subject line “Women in Leadership Dinner – TPP Fest 2025.” Because women’s leadership is not just about power. It is about purpose, creativity, and legacy.
About Dr. Abiola Salami
Dr. Abiola Salami is the Convener of Dr Abiola Salami International Leadership Bootcamp ; The Peak PerformerTM Festival Made4More Accelerator Program and The New Year Kickoff Summit. He is the Principal Performance Strategist at CHAMP – a full scale professional services firm trusted by high performing business leaders for providing Executive Coaching, Workforce Development & Advisory Services to improve performance. You can reach his team on hello@abiolachamp.com and connect with him @abiolachamp on all social media platforms.
For private coaching, boardroom recalibration, or executive healing strategy, connect email me directly at hello@abiolachamp.com to begin your private Executive Coaching Session.
