By Dr. Abiola Salami
How To E.S.C.A.P.E. The Trap of Over-Functioning An excerpt from the book T.I.T.L.E. – Taming the Invisible Toll of Leadership and Expectation by Dr. Abiola Salami
INTRODUCTION
How To E.S.C.A.P.E. The Trap of Over-Functioning
By Dr. Abiola Salami
“Leadership gives you a title. But it quietly takes pieces of your humanity unless you learn how to reclaim them.”
The Cruel Irony of High Respect
They rise when you walk into the room. They fall silent when you speak. They repost your quotes, share your photos, and study your decisions. You are respected.
But you are also tired.
Respected in public. Restless in private. It sounds flattering when they call you “tireless.” When they applaud your ability to “never stop.” But let’s be brutally honest: what many admire in you… is your burnout.
That is the cruel irony of leadership. The more respected you are, the more invisible your needs become. People celebrate your outcomes but ignore your effort. They see the spotlight but never the shadows. They cheer your strength, but miss your sleepless nights.
You have built a reputation for reliability. But the applause is killing you. Because now, if you dare to pause, the world whispers: “Is something wrong?”
So you push harder. You trade your body for credibility. You bleed for applause. You collapse in private just to stand in public. And over time, respect feels less like honor—and more like a prison you built with your own excellence.
This article is for leaders who smile in boardrooms while aching in silence. For those who haven’t taken a guilt-free rest in years. For those who secretly fantasize about escaping—not quitting, not dying, but just… disappearing for peace.
Let me tell you now: you deserve rest. Not as a luxury. But as a right.
The Trap of Over-Functioning
Respect is intoxicating. But it is also deceptive.
The very thing people celebrate you for may be the very thing that destroys you.
They call you dependable because you always pick up the phone.
They call you tireless because you never stop moving.
They call you unstoppable because you never say no.
But what they are really applauding is your erosion.
This is the hidden trap of over-functioning: you become addicted to being needed. You start to equate exhaustion with excellence. You mistake overexposure for honor.
And the more you give, the more people demand. Until you are respected for everything you provide but rarely remembered for what it costs you.
Here’s the truth no one dares to say: respect built on your burnout isn’t honor—it’s exploitation.
Dr. Reni’s Story – The Respected but Exhausted Executive
Dr. Reni was a rising star in one of the Big 4 consulting firms. She is brilliant, articulate and strategic. By 42, she had become a Regional Managing Partner. She was one of the youngest ever, and the first woman in her office’s 80-year history to hold that position.
Clients adored her. Boards requested her personally. Colleagues leaned on her. She was the face of the firm at conferences, quoted in global journals, applauded for her brilliance.
She arrived first. She left last. She handled multi-million dollar accounts, recruited top talent, sat on diversity panels, wrote policy papers, and built new market strategies. Everybody calls her Superwoman.
But behind the carefully polished LinkedIn posts, Reni was falling apart.
She skipped meals. She ignored migraines. She survived on caffeine and adrenaline. On most days, she didn’t leave the office until 2 a.m. only to wake by 5 a.m. for another flight to Johannesburg, London, or Dubai. Her phone was an extension of her body. Even her children had stopped expecting her at bedtime.
At home, the cost was devastating. Her 9 year old daughter stopped asking if “Mummy will be at school today.” Her teenage son, once her biggest fan, began saying, “Mum, don’t promise if you can’t keep it.” Her husband, supportive but weary, confessed one night, “I feel like I’m married to your job, not to you.”
Still, Reni kept pushing. Because she thought rest was a luxury she couldn’t afford. She thought stopping would mean failure for her and for the women she represented, the junior associates she inspired, the clients who trusted her.
Until one afternoon, in the middle of a high-stakes client presentation, it happened.
Her vision blurred. Her voice slurred. And before she could finish her sentence, her body crumbled.
Right there, in a boardroom filled with CEOs, she collapsed.
Paramedics rushed her out on a stretcher. Later, doctors told her she had suffered adrenal fatigue, severe dehydration, and dangerously high blood pressure. The physician’s words were chilling:
“If you don’t change how you’re living, you won’t live long enough to enjoy any of this success.”
But the harder blow came later that night, in her hospital room. Her daughter visited, holding a hand-drawn “Get Well Soon” card. Instead of drawing their family smiling, she had sketched a hospital bed with Reni lying on it. In the corner, a stick-figure child stood alone. The caption read: “Mummy works too hard.”
Reni wept. Not for her job. Not for her health. But for the realization that she had built a life so admired by strangers and yet so absent at home.
That was her breaking point.
For weeks, she debated quitting. But quitting wasn’t what she needed. What she needed was a way to rebuild her life without destroying her career. That’s when she reached out for coaching.
In our sessions, Reni admitted something raw: “Dr. Salami, I built my brand on being dependable. But I forgot to be sustainable.”
Together, we began to untangle the prison of over-functioning she had built around herself. We created a rhythm where her health came before her hustle. She learned to set sacred boundaries with clients and discovered they respected her more, not less. She restructured her team, empowering senior associates to carry weight she had been hoarding. She normalized saying “Not Now.” She created rituals of rest and family reconnection.
At first, it felt foreign. She wrestled with guilt. But slowly, she discovered the truth: rest was not her weakness. Rest was her weapon.
The results were astounding. Within a year, Reni was healthier both physically and emotionally. Her blood pressure normalized. Her migraines disappeared. She regained energy that colleagues thought she had permanently lost.
At work, she became even more effective. Her team thrived under her empowerment. Her client retention soared. She closed one of the firm’s largest ever deals not by burning herself out, but by showing up with clarity and presence.
At home, her marriage healed. Her children began to trust her promises again. She attended her son’s first football championship. She surprised her daughter at a school play. And one night, when she tucked her daughter into bed, the little girl whispered, “I’m happy you live with us now, Mummy.”
That night, Reni cried again. But this time not from exhaustion, but from gratitude.
Today, Reni has realised that respect without rest is a trap. She has a new mantra born from her breakdown, rebuilt through coaching is now her gift to others: “Being admired publicly means nothing if you are exhausted privately. Rest is not selfish. Rest is leadership.”
Reni’s story is not rare. It is the story of countless executives—celebrated in public, collapsing in private. The applause is loud, but the silence at home is louder. The admiration is high, but the health is low.
What changed Reni’s story wasn’t luck. It was the courage to seek help—and the decision to build a new kind of success. One that doesn’t sacrifice her soul.
The Anatomy of Hidden Exhaustion
Being respected but never rested isn’t just a workload issue—it’s an identity issue. It’s the dangerous place where high honor meets low margin.
Here are five signs you’re respected but never rested:
- You can’t recall your last guilt-free vacation.
- You measure your worth by output, not presence.
- Midnight emails feel normal.
- You’re addicted to being needed.
- You fantasize about disappearing—not quitting, not dying, just… escaping.
And here’s why rest feels dangerous to leaders like you:
- Rest feels like exposure. You fear someone will discover you’re human.
- Rest feels like betrayal. You’ve been conditioned to equate being busy with being valuable.
- Rest feels like irrelevance. You’re afraid that if you stop, you’ll be replaced, forgotten, or overlooked.
But the truth is simple: sustainable leadership is visible rest, not invisible suffering.
The Emotional Cost Behind the Curtain
The cost of high honor isn’t just professional—it’s deeply personal.
When leaders neglect rest, their families pay the price. Their bodies keep the score. Their inner peace dissolves.
I’ve coached CEOs who broke down in tears after realizing their children only know them as a voice on the phone. I’ve worked with ministers whose spouses felt like widows to living partners. I’ve walked with executives who realized too late that their health was deteriorating while their career was accelerating.
The applause of the world is meaningless if it comes at the expense of your marriage, your children, or your soul.
What’s the use of being admired publicly if you’re exhausted privately?
E.S.C.A.P.E. Before Your Become A ScapeGoat of Over-functioning
Let us look at a framework I designed to support your journey
E – Establish Sacred Boundaries
Boundaries are not barriers; they are bridges to sustainability. Announce them. Protect them. Don’t apologize for them. Boundaries don’t limit your leadership—they sustain it. A leader who cannot say no will eventually have nothing left to give when it really matters. Guarding your time and energy is not selfish—it’s stewardship.
S – Say “Not Now” Without Guilt
Urgency is not the same as importance. Everything does not require your immediate presence or attention. Learning to normalize “not now” keeps you focused on what matters most while protecting your energy for the long run. Respect doesn’t come from being everywhere at once; it comes from showing up where your presence creates the most impact.
C – Cut Ties With the Hero Identity
Leadership is not martyrdom. You are not required to rescue everyone, everywhere, every time. Detach from the myth that greatness means carrying the world on your shoulders. True influence is not measured by how much you suffer but by how much you empower others to stand strong without you.
A – Architect Systems That Outlive You
Legacy is not built by exhaustion—it’s built by continuity. The best leaders don’t just work hard; they build frameworks, teams, and cultures that thrive even in their absence. Rest becomes possible when your leadership is system-dependent, not personality-dependent. Design for tomorrow, not just for today.
P – Practice Rest as Respect
When you rest, you are not only honoring your body and mind—you are teaching your team that survival is not the standard for success. Modeling rest communicates that greatness doesn’t require self-destruction. Rest is not indulgence—it is influence. It dignifies you and liberates others to thrive.
E – Embrace Rest as Leadership
Rest is not weakness. Rest is wisdom. Rest is leadership. A burned-out leader cannot lead with clarity. By embracing rest, you lead with longevity. You prove that the most respected leaders are not the ones who burn out first, but the ones who burn bright longest.
The African Burden of Leadership Without Rest
Across Africa, the problem is magnified by cultural expectations.
- In politics, the tireless governor or senator is celebrated as a workhorse—even as their health declines.
- In business, CEOs brag about working 100-hour weeks as proof of commitment.
- In ministry, faith leaders are pressured to “pour out” endlessly, as though burnout were a badge of anointing.
But this culture is killing us. Africa doesn’t just need strong leaders. Africa needs sustainable leaders. Leaders who model rhythm, not just results. Leaders who embody peace, not just pressure.
Lessons Worth Carrying
- You are not lazy for needing space.
- You are not selfish for protecting peace.
- You are not less of a leader because you desire rest.
- Respect built on your burnout isn’t honor—it’s exploitation.
Conclusion
Let’s end with a question that cuts deeper than applause:
What’s the use of being admired publicly if you are exhausted privately?
Your body knows the truth your schedule denies. Your soul is whispering what your applause cannot heal.
Respect without rest is a scam. Legacy without longevity is self-sabotage.
But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to stay this way. You can be honored and human. Powerful and peaceful. Respected and rested.
Rest doesn’t happen accidentally. It requires intentional strategy, sustainable systems, and trusted support. That’s why I coach leaders like you—to build lives that are as whole as they are influential.
So if this article exposed a weight you’ve been carrying, don’t carry it alone. Coaching may be the wisest investment you ever make. Because leadership without rest is leadership without future.
Your respect should never cost you your rest.
About Dr. Abiola Salami
Dr. Abiola Salami is the Convener of Dr Abiola Salami International Leadership Bootcamp ; The Peak PerformerTM Festival Made4More Accelerator Program and The New Year Kickoff Summit. He is the Principal Performance Strategist at CHAMP – a full scale professional services firm trusted by high performing business leaders for providing Executive Coaching, Workforce Development & Advisory Services to improve performance. You can reach his team on hello@abiolachamp.com and connect with him @abiolachamp on all social media platforms.
For private coaching, boardroom recalibration, or executive healing strategy, connect email me directly at hello@abiolachamp.com to begin your private Executive Coaching Session.
Sources Referenced:
- World Health Organization. (2019, May 28). Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases. World Health Organization
- Deloitte. (2022, June 21). Deloitte 2022 Survey: Workplace Burnout Survey (1,000 U.S. full-time professionals; 77% report burnout). Deloitte
- Deloitte & Workplace Intelligence. (2022). The C-Suite’s Role in Well-Being (C-suite perceptions and action on employee well-being; reporting that ~68% of C-suite say they aren’t taking enough action). See Institute for Public Relations summary and Deloitte report page. Institute for Public RelationsAxios
- Development Dimensions International (DDI). (2021). Global Leadership Forecast 2021 (nearly 60% of leaders feel “used up” at the end of the day). DDI
- American Institute of Stress. (n.d.). Workplace Stress (estimate that job stress costs U.S. industry >$300B annually). The American Institute of Stress
- World Health Organization. (2023). Mental health at work – Fact sheet (depression and anxiety cost the global economy ~US$1 trillion annually; ~12 billion workdays lost). World Health Organization
- World Health Organization & International Labour Organization. (2022, Sept 28). WHO and ILO call for new measures to tackle mental health issues at work (context on the trillion-dollar productivity loss and 12B lost workdays). World Health Organization
- BusinessDay (reporting Gallup). (2023). Nigeria is 7th Sub-Saharan African country with most stressed employees (Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2023 indicates ~50% of Nigerian workers experience daily stress). Businessday NG
- (Optional context) IRMSA – Institute of Risk Management South Africa. (2025). IRMSA Risk Report 2025 (broader risk context for South African corporates). IRMSA Risk Report
- Harvard Business Review. (2021, Feb 10). Jennifer Moss, Beyond Burned Out (background on organizational responsibility for burnout). Harvard Business Review
