Marriages are beautiful, profoundly gripping and gracious. The union of two people, who love each other and are willing to lay it all at the table, is an intricacy that makes it a delightful experience.
Arguably, love isn’t the only reason most people get married. Puzzled at the sound of that? Oh well, marrying up or marrying down is nothing new; it’s as old as time. It has always been with us.
Ever heard of the term social climbers? Hypergamy and Hypogamy? Your brows are raised at this point in curiosity. Tighten your seatbelt, as we embark on this insightful voyage of a lifetime. Call it epiphany.
Simply put, hypergamy is the act of marrying a person of higher social class. Hypogamy is the contrast; it’s basically marrying a person of lower social status.
While hypergamy is prevalent with women, hypogamy is popular with men. The big question now would be why do people marry up or marry down better still why social climbing?
Like it or not, the motives are oftentimes selfish. For most people, love is the best alternative for their quest while financial security and social reputation are topping the scale of preference.
Then one is forced to ask, what about love? What about finding safety in the arms of the one you love? Or is it just in their pockets and the clout that comes with them?
Let’s admit it. Women seeking a spouse of a higher social class for the purpose of financial security and social mobility has been around for decades. Truth be told; it’s going nowhere. It’s in the movies and novels. It’s everywhere we go. It’s a plot society seems okay with.
There is the belief that if 1 % of men are rich, then 1% of women are married to them. Hilarious, right? However, a new survey found that most women enter the elusive 1% through marrying a rich spouse. Researchers at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte.
Little wonder you’d see a girl from the lower rungs of life passionately dreaming of meeting that Prince charming with opulence and power that’ll in a split second turn her life around from the depths of misery and chaos to the heights of beauty and ecstasy.
Interestingly, despite not having the status, women school themselves with every element of grace, style, and panache. Through their wits, charm, poise and etiquette, they are able to secure themselves a man that elevates them in the social ladder. The same is applicable to men.
Nevertheless, for men, it’s about power; someone who understands the power disparity. It’s like an indirect form of trading loyalty for marriage. In other cases, it’s the “I made you scenario”.
Truth be told, loyalty is a rare gem. Hence, some of these men marry down as an exchange for what they want – validation. They want someone that can look up to them and be swoon by everything they do. Studies show that the very reason most men can’t stand a woman that’s of the same or higher social pedigree is that they’ll be questioned. That is because it doesn’t appeal to their ego.
With the current economic situation, many people are inclining more to marrying for social standing. Men and women, vice versa, are marrying up and some are marrying down.
What happens to having a home saturated by love, joy and peace of a higher ranking than a house filled with money but empty? When your hairs are gray with your face wrecked by wrinkles, when your bones are feeble there’s only one thing that’ll matter – the comfort love brings.
Indeed, money answers all things. However, it isn’t everything. The days when darkness would fill the sky and your night so short and wild, money won’t warm your heart or speak to your soul. Although money can get you a duvet to warm your skin, love fills the emptiness you feel.
The realities of hypergamy and hypogamy is you never know if the person you are with is really who they are. Or what they sold to you is just an illusion.
Marrying for the purpose of social climbing is seen as an absurdity. If I marry you for money what’s the assurances that after Ieveling up or if you lose everything I’ll want to be in it with you? Do you think you can trust me to be open enough or let you in on my thoughts and feelings without holding back?
Times have shown that when people achieve a cause, they’ll start questioning themselves if it was worth it. Everyone wants a better life, no doubt; but your pursuit shouldn’t cost you love.
You want to be married to someone who sees your relationship as important, special and sacred where you’re both truthful to each other, not someone who sees it as a means to an end.
There will be times when darkness will crawl in and you will be thrown into the abyss. And it’s only when you stare at love in the face that you will find the strength to overcome it all.
