By Dr. Abiola Salami
GRIT: How to Build Your Confidence in A Continent That Shames Poverty An excerpt from the book GRIT: How Young People in Developing Countries Can Grow, Rise, Innovate & Thrive Against All the Odds in their Country by Dr. Abiola Salami
Welcome to the Africa shame economy, where poverty is not just a status; it is a stigma. On this continent, being broke is not just an economic state; it often feels like a moral failure. Let us get this out of the way: being broke is not a sin.
Of course I know that in Nigeria and all over Africa, many feel like one. You step into a room and suddenly, people’s respect for you is calculated based on your perceived bank balance. You share your ideas and someone asks, “Abeg, who you don help?” You get side-eyes when you can’t “drop something” in family meetings. You are mocked for not dressing loud enough. Friends call you “stingy” because you choose survival over social events. Romantic prospects dry up like water in harmattan. Your relevance to your religious leader also diminishes. It feels like in Africa, if you are broke, you better be funny or invisible.
I want to tell you that your worth is not tied to your wallet, your confidence should not be tied to your cash and your future is not buried under your current balance.
I am here to remind you that being broke is not your identity. It’s a season; not a sentence. If poverty tries to make you small, this I am here to help you fight back with power, purpose, and perspective.
Let’s burn the shame and build your confidence whether you are broke or not.
Let us begin.
The Psychology of Being Broke
Confidence doesn’t require a bank alert. It requires an alignment with your true worth.
However, from Nollywood to Twitter, from churches to campuses, poverty is often treated like a disease. Like something contagious and shameful.Here are three ways we weaponize poverty of the continent:
- Mockery as Humor: Poverty is the punchline. “Sapa” is now a personality.
- Validation Through Lifestyle: Your voice is louder if you wear brands, drive a Benz, or “ball” on weekends.
- Performance Pressure: Young people are bullied into pretending. “Fake it till you make it” becomes “fake it till you break.”
This creates a toxic cycle where you feel invisible because you are broke. You pretend to be okay, you worsen your finances and you feel even more ashamed.
There is a Psychology of Being Broke. Being broke hits harder than hunger. It eats your confidence, blurs your vision, and manipulates your mind where you start believing you have nothing to offer, nobody respects people without money amd that you need to keep quiet until you ‘blow.’
These beliefs become internal blocks and the scariest part is that you start settling, you shrink your ideas, you silence your voice, you begin to see your lack as who you are, not where you are.
But you are not your bank account. You are not your unpaid bills.
You are not your borrowed data.
Why Poverty Feels Like Crime in Nigeria
Poverty feels like crime in Africa because we love respect and in our society, money = respect. No money? No greetings. No car? You’re just “that guy.” No flex? You’re “still managing.”
Here’s how poverty becomes a crime in the court of public opinion:
1. Family Pressure
You are the firstborn and you are broke but your younger brother wants to get married, your parents want you to pay rent and even your 9-year-old cousin is eyeing you like, “So you still don’t have a car?”
2. Social Media
You open Instagram to “cool off,” and you see 22-year-olds buying Benz, a crypto bros calling 100k “lunch money” and influencers are teaching “soft life” while you are boiling water to turn your small garri to eba as your only meal for the day.
3. Religious Guilt
Some people will make you feel like your financial struggle is evidence of spiritual failure. They will ask you: “Where is your faith, brother?” “You must break the curse of poverty.”
Meanwhile, all you need is a job and Wi-Fi.
4 Lies Broke People Believe (And The Truth That Will Set You Free)
1. “Nobody will respect me if I don’t have money.”
Truth: People will respect what you respect. When you carry yourself with dignity, confidence, and clarity you attract honor. It starts with you.
2. “I can’t contribute anything until I ‘make it.’”
Truth: You have wisdom, experience, energy, empathy. You can still mentor, lead, write, serve, build. You don’t need millions to make impact.
3. “Once I make money, everything will be fine.”
Truth: Money magnifies who you are. If you are insecure now, wealth will make it louder. There are many insecure rich people all over social media whose self esteem is limited by their wealth. They are unnecessarily arrogant, dramatic and wasteful. Don’t end up like them, build identity before income.
4. “Nobody will date/marry me if I’m broke.”
Truth: Yes, some people won’t. But the right people will see your vision, not just your wallet. Your job is to become someone worth building with not an ATM to fund the soft life of someone who only really care about your pocket.
You can be broke and still command the room. It begins with identity separation. Here 8 ways to rebuild your confidence even when you are broke:
1. Clean Yourself Even If Your Account is Dirty
Shower, groom and iron your clothes. Use roll-on. Confidence starts with how you see yourself in the mirror. Dress neatly (not loudly). Choose clean over branding.
2. Maintain Body Discipline
Poverty wants you to slump n posture and spirit. Fight back. Sit upright. Look people in the eye. Speak with strength. Exercise; it reminds you that you can still choose power.
3. Introduce Yourself With Pride
Don’t say “I’m just…” Say: “I’m building a content brand.” Say: “I’m in transition. So I am currently exploring tech opportunities.” Even if your life is in “beta testing,” speak with vision.
4. Hang Around Builders, Not Braggers
Join communities where people are growing, not just flossing. Avoid people who measure your value with bank alerts. If your friends only call you “boss” when you have money, change the circle. Distance yourself from friends who make money a competition, partners who only love loudly during financial comfort, mentors who only mentor “made” people. Find a tribe not a group of fans.
5. Serve Where You Want to Grow
Can’t pay for a masterclass? Offer to volunteer. No money for ads? Share testimonials. Trade your time and skills for growth and exposure.
Broke is a chapter, not your story. Broke is where you start, not where you stay. You are not your account balance. You are not your last job rejection. You are not your parent’s disappointed sigh. You are becoming. And every season, even this dry one, is part of the masterpiece.
You may not have money today but if you keep learning, building, showing up, and speaking right, the money will come. And when it does, you will know that you were always valuable even when you were broke.
You can join the GRIT Coaching Community here
About Dr. Abiola Salami
Dr. Abiola Salami is the Convener of Dr Abiola Salami International Leadership Bootcamp ; The Peak PerformerTM Festival Made4More Accelerator Program and The New Year Kickoff Summit. He is the Principal Performance Strategist at CHAMP – a full scale professional services firm trusted by high performing business leaders for providing Executive Coaching, Workforce Development & Advisory Services to improve performance. You can reach his team on hello@abiolachamp.com and connect with him @abiolachamp on all social media platforms.
